After the birth of my daughter, I suddenly found myself questioning my worth as an individual and a mother. I wondered if either of these abstract realities could ever exist as separate entities or if they were tragically destined to absorb one another, turning me into a haphazard eclipse of my former self.  Topping off this identity crisis was a new life of domesticity, in which I traded my heels for slippers and my weekly sushi nights for slow cooked chicken soup in this thing called a crock pot, something I had never even set eyes on until one day it suddenly became a permanent fixture on my kitchen counter.

My sense of self, along with my imagined purpose and (most importantly) my already questionable sanity, had suddenly become nothing more than shriveling corpses resembling last week’s fruit, buried at the bottom of the trash under coffee grinds and dirty diapers. While I desperately love every ounce of milky spit up and  boogie tissue that my daughter is gracious enough to produce for me, I was forced to seek  a coping mechanism  in which I could learn to embrace this new stay-at-home life while still doing everything else that I’ve ever wanted to do. 

My attempts to conform were an epic failure, for I cannot express how little I care about window treatments or DIY centerpieces. So, in an outright effort to challenge the asylum of the happy homemaker, I decided to develop my own system for conquering my world, one dirty dish and basket of laundry at a time. My Rules are less about my desire to follow the institutional guidelines of housewifeydom and more about giving myself the permission and freedom to be myself, reach for the stars and attempt get it right-even though I’m clearly doing it all wrong. Thus, in an effort to keep up with Rules #6 and #7, I present to you…


The Rules of Infraction 

Rule #1- I will make my own rules and relish the opportunity to break them
If there existed a how-to guide on being a mom/artist/writer/student/dreamer/cook/housewife/best-brownie-baker-on-the-block, then this blog would be titled “CHEW ON THAT SUCCCKKAAAAAAAASSSS!!” and my first and only post would be a charming picture of my big fat rear smiling for the camera. Alas, no such guide exists, and so I’ve determined that if I’m going to navigate the murky waters of domestic life successfully then I have to define myself on my own terms. It’s not easy trying to be a sensational mother while simultaneously running your house, pursuing your dreams, divulging in your interests and allowing yourself down time.  But I will. And I will let myself make--and break--my rules, as frequently as I wish while I strive to achieve personal fulfillment and success.

Rule #2- I will severely punish all of those who attempt to squash my ambitions and put down my dreams
I pity the naysayer who has the nerve to tell me that I cannot be whatever I want when I grow up just because I happen to be a fully grown, independent adult.  If I feel like becoming the world’s greatest chef tomorrow then so be it, and I won’t be afraid to flick hot oil in your eye if you try and tell me otherwise.

Rule #3- I will not pretend to be Martha Stewart because I don’t care enough to purchase a dust ruffle.
Enough said.

Rule #4- I will take full advantage of my beautiful and sometimes extremely rare idle time.
When life feels too overbearing, I have no shame in leaving every single dish in my sink and submerging into my couch for a three hour marathon of ABC Family teen dramas, followed by mindless web surfing for fashion, celebrity gossip or cute kitten videos on YouTube.

Read, learn, rant
Rule #5- I will educate myself about every single interesting, boring, unusual, and mundane topic that no one else seems to care about but me
As I strive towards my lifelong goal of knowing absolutely everything there is to know, I will occasionally find myself reading up on a variety of topics which range from the Illuminati plot to overthrow the universe to the political agendas of every Monarch who ruled during Egypt’s Golden Empire. While most of this information is generally useless, it does give me something to talk about other than the cuteness of my daughter during those rare occurrences that I get to spend in adult conversation. 

Rule #6- I will get a hobby and change it every single day if I want
In an effort to stave off my pervasive boredom, I find it helpful to take up random hobbies. At any given moment in time I will find myself deeply engaged in a quest to become the most excellent master of all time of such fascinating pastimes like sewing curtains out of rags, fine Mexican cuisine, amateur photography starring my infant, and writing an epic fantasy novel comparable only to Tolkien himself. While many of these projects remain incomplete under a pile of newer, equally incomplete projects (I apologize to my kitchen window for the curtains I promised it in March, however they are now serving as a rather fine place mat for a basket of half finished Christmas stockings), I challenge anyone to a chicken fajita cook off, cause my babies are legit.

Rule #7- I will follow my dreams and do what I love
Just as my love for writing has led me to this blog, my love for learning, literature and world history have led me to re enroll in college. Currently, I'm pursuing a bachelor's in English, hopefully followed by a Masters in English, hopefully followed by another Masters in Education, hopefully followed by a PhD in something equally intriguing, hopefully followed by a job at a research University where I can combine all three and spend the rest of my days learning and teaching others. But, until my 73rd birthday when all of those goals are complete, I will have to be content to blog. 

Rule #8- I will shower my kid with every ounce of love I have and preen over her endlessly..but I probably won't ever take professional pictures or plan birthday parties
While it may seem like I am constantly battling a distaste for motherhood, that couldn’t be further from the truth; in fact, I enjoy my role as mommy so much that I would be happy to have ten more running around, driving me insane. However, while I'm sure that many parents are more than delighted to do pictures, parties, and play dates with their kids, I simply can't be bothered. I love her dearly, but my cracked digital camera and a frozen ice cream cake will suit us just fine thankyouverymuch.

So, there it is. Ridiculous? Sure. Weird? Definitely. Have an opinion? Leave it.